Complaining

The more I complain, the more I find to complain about. So here I am, finally feeling alive again. It might have something to do with the open window because it's FINALLY 70 degrees here after snow as late as three days ago. YAY!!! It might have something to do with connecting with someone who can be objective about me and is telling me I am doing a pretty good job with my self right now.

You see, something happened on the way to Paradise. When I looked at the lives of women who have had influence over me I saw that they martyred themselves for the people they loved. Hm. Well, I wasn't going to let that happen to me. If the man I was with didn't love me, he didn't need to feel obligated to stay with me. But it's something that comes when you are busy, so busy that you don't realize what is coming up behind you. 

My man says he loves me and always has. But times have been hard. I have thought for years that he was overwhelmed by the hardships and somewhere along the way he has come to lean on me too much. That is probably my fault because I let him lean thinking he would find his way and pick up his load and go on with it again. My mother tried to advise me of the error of my ways but I just didn't understand, perhaps because I was too close to the situation to have any objectivity. 

It's late in the relationship, but I don't hold back now. I am brutally honest if need be. D said to me, "God isn't easy on us, is he? When we need to learn something he is forthright and honest about it, even if it hurts." And D is pretty right on about that. And there's that song, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." 

I think if it wasn't so windy outside I would take a rake to the front yard. But the leaves are skittering along the sidewalk and the highway so maybe the wind will save me some work, some time. And I can sit here and feel good about my life.

(c) 2014 Cathy Thomas Brownfield ~ All Rights Reserved.