Is it a sign?

I can remember a time when I felt my opinions so strongly I had to break my neck to share them, particularly at my writer's lists online. So I read a post at one group, "A Soapbox Moment," and felt no need to give any opinion. It's some knit-wit's attempt to draw attention to himself or to draw public attention from something else. Subject: Someone wants to blow up the Koran to celebrate 9/11.

Now, that thought brings a couple of things to mind:

1.) My parents always said the left hand didn't want to let the right hand know what it was doing. So, when everyone's attention is drawn to something very public, on the right hand, what's going on where we aren't--but should be--looking, on the left hand?

2.) Apathy has been a problem for a long time. People just don't care about things they can't do anything about.

But was it apathy or something else that caused me not to feel the need to respond to Sue on the writer's group? Is it that the experiences of my life up to this point of my life tell me to pick my battles wisely rather than waste precious energy on things that aren't really likely to happen?

I didn't know about the two asteroids that missed the Earth by about 150,000 miles today (9-8-2010) until well after the event. But as I pushed my 3-1/2 year-old granddaughter on the swing I looked toward the sky about 2 p.m. (EDT) and thought, "How would I protect her, to where would I run with her if some catastrophe fell from the sky?"

Matrilineal world

Of course, I'm not really a mad woman. Angry, sometimes, but I think I am reasonably sane. I think I may finally, FINALLY, understand the message: "Mom, your children are grown. Now it's time for you to do what's best for you."

I've considered a lot of things over the years, based on my observations of women who have influenced me during my lifetime. Essentially, I was raised matrilineally. That means by women. My maternal grandfather died when my mother was 17, his widow, 49. My paternal grandfather died when I was 4. My step-grandfather wasn't nice to my grandmother. And my dad was rarely home.

I was raised by women who taught me right from wrong, compassion for others, passion for the gift of life I was given and instructions: You can achieve anything you want to if you're willing to work hard for it. Mom emphasized, "Use your own head to think with. Don't let others do your thinking for you. Look further than the end of your nose, plan ahead. Use your head for something besides a hat rack. And use good common sense."

She waited patiently for her husband to die. The doctors said he'd die long before he actually did. He died when she was an old woman who couldn't live alone.

How many women have done that?
How many more women will?

Am I really still the Mom?

I am not a happy camper. I have tried to bide my time, hold my tongue, and work through these times. A year and a half ago my two youngest moved out of our house. Empty nest syndrome. You know what that is. In January, they moved back into our house with the agreement that they would help around the house, clean up after themselves and their pets, and occasionally do things like buy groceries or cook a meal.

Uh...the story of my life. Move in, forget the agreement because we're in, and leave EVERYTHING for Mom to do. Don't think about how she might have a life of her own that she had to get when everyone told her to switch off the Mom switch that doesn't exist and some day THEY will know exactly what I'm talking about when their kids do the same to them.

I am facing empty nest again. They are SUPPOSED to be moving three states away from me this weekend. We are SUPPOSED to leave on Saturday. Do they have all the things done that need to be done before we walk out that door on Saturday? No. Will they have everything done before we walk out that door on Saturday? No. So, will we walk out that door on Saturday? No. We. Will. Not. Because I'm NOT going to be left here to clean up after them...and. their. pets. Need I say more?

I can't even go out for lunch with friends without coming home to messes to clean up. Like one of the dogs urinating on the hall floor I was mopping at 12:30 a.m. this morning. How many people were in this house while I was gone? And NOBODY could open that freaking door and let the dogs out??? And NOBODY could get the scrub bucket, some soapy water and the mop and clean it up before I got home???

Fortunately, few people read my blogs so I guess I don't have to concern myself about embarrassing anyone. Not that I think anyone who lives in this house except me really cares.

Yeah. I am ticked...or pick your favorite expletive and insert it here.

Labeling

I’m rambling today. Forgive me.

What was it that was so good about growing up in the 1950s and 1960s? Was it our ignorance that since has proven that “ignorance is bliss”? In those days we didn’t have to label everything and there didn’t have to be someone to blame for everything that happened. That’s why accidents are called accidents. And we didn’t have to label every problem, condition, everything!

For instance, the schools (whose teachers have been glorified as the saviors of students everywhere who have ever learned to read or interact in society—another story for another day), it appears, are all about getting more of those almighty dollars to expand and reach for those “state-of-the-art” districts that are so prevalent, if not prestigious. Well, so they want us to believe. Somehow I thought the cliquish stuff of high school was left behind by adults. Boy, was I wrong about that one!

My grandson is a delightful 5-year-old who so looked forward to going to kindergarten last year. He couldn’t wait to get there and begin to learn things like reading and writing and playing with other children. His mother is a daycare provider. He’s grown up around other children and learned to extend the same family values and attitudes toward those other children that he has been taught at home and at church. (Yes, I said church, a place too many children don’t understand because they haven’t been inside of one.) They are at the house so much they truly are part of the family!

But there have been issues. On the bus another little boy was kicking and punching my grandson. It was bullying, for sure. My daughter went to school and demanded the bullying be stopped. Then there was the boy who hated Sponge Bob, which was the design on my grandson’s backpack. With the pack on his back, this other boy was punching Sponge Bob. What the heck is that all about??? THEN, there was the other kindergartener who said to my grandson, “I hate you. I’m going to kill you.” Are we kidding??? Absolutely not acceptable! The teacher seemed to know these things were going on but nothing could be done to stop it? How’s that for a school district in a county who SAYS it has a zero tolerance for bullying?

So, the speech and hearing therapist at my grandson’s school took it upon herself to advise my daughter that she suspected my grandson is AD/HD and should be medicated for it. When my daughter went to the parent-teacher conferences, the teacher said, “Oh, we’ve decided he’s not AD/HD. We suspect it is Asperger’s.” She gave my daughter a list of symptoms and advised referring to the family physician. Because it’s all on paper, she has to follow through on the investigation to prove that our little guy is NOT suffering Asperger’s.

So, she took him to see the doctor. AD/HD? No. Asperger’s? Brandon??? No way. And he’s proceeding with the paperwork to finish the matter.

What we know for certain is that the school environment has caused this child to be more timid, less confident, and to hate school. So there’s something to be said about homeschooling. A child is less likely to be bullied at the school setting, cowed by teachers who want all little people to fit in their little round holes and stifling creativity. Well, I’ve been saying that for years.

Now see me going to my personal library and pulling from the shelf that heavy, thick, many-paged book that is going to educate me about The Dumbing Down of America. I am angry, to say the least. Congressmen are dropping left and right because of what they are SAYING are abuses of their position and power. I keep remembering, though, something my parents always said: "When someone has your attention with their right hand, you better be looking to see what the other hand is doing."

Yeah. I do that and I don’t like what I see.

Corruption isn’t just at the highest offices in the land. I perceive it to be a pyramid that “politicians” climb with personal agendas and certainly not what is “of the people, by the people and for the people.” To be completely frank, here, I am skeptical enough these days to think that always was a sham, a lie to make everyone feel better. There are a lot of good people “out there,” but there are as many bad, I suspect. But maybe that happens when things get so complicated. And looking at the national debt, the horrible main streets in our town and on the highways of this county I know things are complicated. And knowing that there are people who retired from their government jobs but still hold those jobs so they get PAID PENSION AND SALARY…jobs that should go to other people who need A PAYCHECK (another story for another day?) …yeah…today I am not happy about what I’m seeing.

But there are some encouraging events, like former Alaska governor Sarah Palin resigning for, as yet unrevealed reasons…and Senator Bayh who resigned from Congress, not because of disgraceful behavior but because he couldn’t work with a Congress that isn’t doing its job representing the U.S. citizenry. Those two folks have spoken volumes to me.

Wouldn’t be surprised if my brakes fail or my car blows up.

©2010 Cathy Thomas Brownfield

Casting stones

Today Tiger Woods read a statement for the public. As I heard it, the press wasn't permitted. And it seems like everyone in the media had to get in on the act of criticizing the man for NOT answering questions they think are pertinent to our society. I couldn't believe it was THE top story of the day for CBS Evening News.

I heard a remark about him failing as a role model for young people. And that caused me to remember a story from the Bible.

A woman was dragged from an adulterous encounter. The man she was encountering was not brought for punishment. Someone named Jesus was there as the crowd gathered to stone the woman for committing an act of adultery. Jesus spoke to the crowd, The one who was without sin should cast the first stone. He knelt down and drew in the dirt for a time. When he stood up again he asked where were her accusers. They all had dropped their stones and walked away because they all were guilty of sin.

Is sin measured in degrees? Is one kind of sin more sinful than another? Or does all sin fall short of the glory of God?

The man apologized for his failures. It's not uncommon for those who rise to fame rapidly aren't prepared for the notoriety, the money, the position, and get into trouble. But to come out before the world and say, "I cheated, I know I disappointed a lot of people, but I am committed to getting the help I need, to do the work I have ahead of me, to try to become a better man," well, maybe that's not such a role model after all. What more does the media want from him?

What more could anyone really ask of him? He's telling people everywhere, "You may fall short and make terrible mistakes, but you can change your life for the better." That's a pretty strong lesson in this day and age when so many people--all ages--feel like failures and need to hear someone tell them that their failures can be turned into victories.

Does it matter what is between that husband and wife? Entertainment Tonight probably will beat it to death as they usually do, every day for as long as they can. Which is why I don't waste electricity on that show. Some matters are personal and private and not public domain. Do we really need the gorey details? If it was our life, our family, would we want all the details poured out publicly? Seems to me there's a fine line here between privacy and the peoples' right to know.

Personally, leave the Woods family alone to work out their issues. The one who has not sinned should throw the first stone.


(c) 2010 Cathy Thomas Brownfield

Gripe of the day?

My mother had some thoughts on the concepts of that title.

Count your blessings instead of your problems and you will be happier.

Every cloud has a silver lining if you're patient enough to wait for it.

Let a smile be your umbrella. (I remember the old, old song!)

When you laugh, the world laughs with you. When you cry, you cry alone.

So I tend not to think about griping much. It just occurs before I notice. But it's not that I want to gripe today. It's more a pondering. On a writer list there was a discussion about the latest vampire literature craze. I guess, when I think about it, it's not unusual to try to 'read into' the stuff we read. Surely everything must have a psychologial meaning, right? I'm not so sure about that.

I am a writer. I am a writer of fiction. While I do like to use one thing to represent something else sometimes, I keep going back to something my friend Maureen has said numerous times, "Just write a good story." another friend, Janet, said, "Write the kinds of stories you like to read." And even SK (Stephen King) advises, "Write what you know."

Pondering comments about the toxicity of vampires, at first I thought those remarks were narrow-minded. But, if they are the stories that the reader doesn't like, well, it's reasonable to conclude that they don't have to read them. Another conclusion: even if they don't like the themes of the Twilight stories, the stories elicit remarks, make people use their gray matter to think. THAT is what 'good' writing is all about!

I don't think we have to write with psychological intent. I think it just happens as we write about facets of life that involve the human psyche naturally. The knowledge and skills the reader has will determine her or his interpretations. And always, it seems, the writer is expressing her or his opinions based on his or her experiences. Thus, everything is political.

Politics: the total complex of relations between people living in society. (Just one of a long list of definitions.

So, my gripe isn't really a gripe. I'm not sure I'm even writing a political statement.

(c) 2010 Cathy Thomas Brownfield
All rights reserved -- Contact author for permission to use.

The Heart of the Matter

Five years ago "Tom," a minister, required a heart transplant. I suppose a lot of people had trouble understanding how such a bad thing could happen to a "man of the Cloth."

Last June (2009) a friend, "Jay" took seriously, life-threateningly, ill. I guess he's been ill for as long as I've known him, but being the way I am, I didn't want to think about that. "You can't give up," I would advise. The remainder of the year was a challenge for "Jay" and his wife. They learned that he will require a heart transplant to live. When they told me of this, I immediately contacted "Tom" in West Virginia, and asked him to talk to "Jay" in North Carolina. He did.

"The worst thing about a heart transplant," said "Tom," "is what you're going through right now."

The world got a little smaller when "Jay" learned that his sister's neighbor had a heart transplant 10 years ago and is still going strong. He is encouraged.

I remember when the first artificial heart surgery was done in South Africa, wasn't it? Then there was the first human to human heart transplant. Dr. Christiaan Barnard (Nov. 8, 1922-Sept. 2, 2001) performed the first kidney transplant in South Africa in October 1967 and the first successful human to human heart transplant Dec. 3, 1967. Dorothy Fisher was the first black recipient, and lived for 12-1/2 years after her transplant in 1969. Dirk van Zyl lived 23 more years following his heart transplant in 1971. Barnard's brother, Marius, was his "right hand man in cardiac surgery." The source I referred to advises that he did not die of a heart attack, but of a severe asthma attack.

That technology continues to improve, I believe there are plenty of reasons for "Jay" to be encouraged to have the heart transplant and live a long life, dancing at his youngest granddaughter's wedding when she grows up.

(c) 2010 Cathy Thomas Brownfield
All rights reserved -- Contact author for permission to use.

Future

What will be happening 10-10-10? I ask only because I just wrote 1-1-10 and thought about that Chinese thing about the meanings of dates that are the same, day, month and year: 10-10-10 But I suppose if something bad happens on 10 Oct. 2010, the gestapo will come for me. If something good happens, someone else more important than me will get the credit.

Not only is Uncle Sam putting full body scanners in airports, which is a violation of my civil rights, an invasion of my privacy!, the Blair-Holt Bill before Congress will take our guns, put us in jail and put our families at the mercy of criminals and government powers, completely taking away our freedoms. When I say "us" I am speaking generally. I do not have an arsenal in my possession.

My husband and I were talking about Blair-Holt. He expects that nothing will come of this because when the government starts taking guns from honest citizens, there will be a civil war with bloodshed. I don't want people to die! I said. Well, he said, that's what happens when you go to war. People die. But, I want to protect my children and my grandchildren! I want them to live to old age and enjoy their lives.

But I know what he says is true. When there is cause for war, war happens. When war happens, people die, there is bloodshed. And heartbreak for the lost lives that may have gone on to do great things for our people had they not become the fallen.

I'm not convinced that the global neighborhood is a good thing. At all. I'm not a feminist. I'm not a revolutionary. I'm not a rebel. I'm concerned.

(c) 2010 Cathy Thomas Brownfield
All rights reserved -- Contact author for permission to use.